NHL hockey returned and we all sat glued to a TV. Whether it was in the comfort of our own home or a crowded bar, we were watching like the league never missed a beat. Maybe it’s the excitement of a meaningful, truncated season, or the extended absence that brought us down, but EVERYTHING WAS MAGNIFIED. A loss wasn’t just a loss, it was a colossal fuck up, while a win was a victory felt for miles. So with that, I give you some of the winners and losers from opening weekend.
NHL.com and GameCenter for failing to function on opening night. Haven’t they put us through enough!? But then everything was kosher again and OMG OMG OMG it’s like you never left!
The LA Kings were embarrassed on the night of their banner raising. And for a brief moment their Twitter account grew unusually quiet.
Corey Schneider and the Vancouver Canucks D. Schneids blows the job on day one and on day two Luongo still can’t get them a win. In all fairness to Bobby Lu, the team is a disaster and it’s…awesome. Unless of course you’re a fan and then you’re not yet aware there’s even a problem.
Speaking of shitty D, the Detroit Red Wings really threw the ole octopus in their first game. They fell 6-0 to the St. Louis Blues (who are my pick to win it all, although they were mine last year, and we know how that panned out). We knew Lidstrom was a key piece of the puzzle but holy shit does it ever magnify how much their D stinks.
The Hockey Night in Canada panel. It was a recipe for disaster because there’s just too many cooks in the kitchen. Seriously, someone give Healy the boot already. Pension Plan Puppets has more thoughts on this.
Simple Plan’s performance during HNIC. No one was paying attention. After all, it’s not 2003. At least it’s an upgrade over Nickleback? So there was that.
Flyers, Rangers and the Coyotes played two games and lost both. All three teams were playoff contenders last season, so let’s chalk this one up to working out the kinks.
The Montreal Canadiens opening ceremony. What the hell was that, you guys? This Raise the Torch campaign is lame. Torch that.
Old guys. 42-year-old Teemu Selanne notched 4 points in his first game and is the oldest player to do so in a single game. The Duck is now 18th in points in league history. Jaromir Jagr also notched 4 points against the Yotes while Alex Kovalev, who made his return to the NHL with the Florida Panthers had a 3 point game in a win over the Canes. Well done, men.
Nazem Kadri for scoring the first Toronto Maple Leafs goal of the season and quieting all of the haters (at least for a moment) aka the Maple Leafs organization, Dallas Eakins, Ron Wilson and the dearly departed Brian Burke.
Rookie Vladimir Tarasenko for bursting on the scene with two goals in his first outing with the Panthers. If you didn’t know his name before, you better learn it real fast because he’s a star.
The Pittsburgh Penguins skated away with 4 big points after opening weekend. And honestly, no one expected anything less.