Truncated seasons are awesome. This is a fact. The action-packed 2013 regular season provided many meaningful moments. Here are some that left a mark.
It took all of 30 seconds for GM’s to start making moves that would improve their roster thanks to an “accelerated buyout” that was introduced under the new CBA.
Habs fans said au revoir to Scott Gomez and Rangers fans were reminded that Wade Redden was still alive.
Gomez became a Shark and scored TWO GOALS with the team. That’s one whole goal more than he scored between February 5, 2011 and February 9, 2012 with the Habs. But hey, who’s keeping track?
The LA Kings finally raised their banner, albeit a few months late.
It didn’t take long for fans to return to the game. Fans pretty much showed up night after night, well, for teams not located in Florida, Arizona or Texas, of course.
The Chicago Blackhawks had a ridiculous start to the season…
They went on a 24-game run without a regulation loss. American mainstream media gave zero fucks because that’s how they roll. And worse, the Colorado Avalanche was the team to put an end to their streak.
Eventually people paid attention. And of course, went overboard BECAUSE THEY DON’T GET IT. It was embarrassing, really.
Ovi started the season with a frown (after a great KHL run)
People argued whether or not Alex Ovechkin was still an elite player. Then Mike Milbury made some disparaging comments, as he does. And then Ovi told them all to go to hell via goal after goal until he scored ALL THE GOALS. And as the winner of the “Rocket” Richard Trophy, he’s having the last laugh. 32 goals, 56 points in 48 games. What a slacker, eh?
Oh and remember his strong showing in the KHL during the lockout? Yeah, he got a championship ring out of it. Best))))))))
Rookie Nail Yakupov literally burst onto the scene…
Nail Yakupov was the breath of fresh air this league needed. And we promptly learned that “celly” is NOT an acceptable term.
Many weren’t impressed by Yak’s enthusiasm for the game, scoring goals and his team. And were total dbags about it.
The 19-year-old Oiler closed the season with 31 points in 48 games. Them Russians!
Another Russian who was making waves was Alex Semin, who had signed a one-year deal worth $7M with the Carolina Hurricanes. It was a brilliant pickup that many questioned.
Alex Semin proved he was worth a second chance and received high praise from Eric Staal and a fancy 5-year contract. THEM RUSSIANS!
Belorussians, however…THEY’RE QUITTERS, THEY ARE.
If you ask a Red Wings fan, they’ll probably tell you they endured the most stomach-churning season, but in reality, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, they made the damn playoffs, so it’s business as usual.
Henrik Zetterberg became the Captain of the Detroit Red Wings (and our hearts).
They got this guy, Damien Brunner, and he has been a nice addition to the team. The 27-year-old, who’s in his first NHL season, garnered 26 points.
Meanwhile…
Not all decisions made by the Wings organization were top notch. They, after all, allowed Jonas Gustavsson to play seven games. He ended the season .879. He’ll probably end up playing in Milan at some point in the near future.
It seemed like everyone was taking a puck to the face…
Crosby got lucky the first time around. The second time around? Not so much.
Marc Staal wasn’t wearing a visor so Marc Staal gets none of our sympathies. WEAR A VISOR, YOU IDIOTS.
There were other gruesome injuries…
I went to sleep with Erik Karlsson’s ow face in my mind, but by the time I woke up, his Achilles tendon was healed and he was skating with the Sens again. Aliens!
Brutal injuries aside, the Leafs showed us brutal D.
The Leafs showed all you kids out there how not to do it.
Defence. CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!
PS. #FREEJAKEGARDINER. For real, please. Anyone out there? Hello? No?
The Leafs weren’t the only team with questionable D. Here Chris “TURN OFF THE LIGHTS!” Pronger attempted to show Luke “leadfoot” Schenn how to, uh, play his position.
DID NOT WORK
Toronto Maple Leafs qualified for the PLAYOFFS!!!1 for the first time in nine years. And this kid has been an important piece of the puzzle…
After a win in Ottawa, Don rounded his favourite troops. Don Cherry looked like a proud father. It was one of his most tender moments in recent memory. Nazem Kadri is awesome. He scores goals and draws a shit-ton of penalties. He scored his second hattrick of the season that night in Ottawa. One Sens fan was not happy.
Anyway, not every team could make the playoffs…
Everyone loves BOBROVSKY and everyone except this guy wanted the Blue Jackets to make the post-season. They fell just short. NEXT YEAR, BOBROVSKY!
Ilya Bryzgalov has had enough of the media and stopping pucks. LOL Paul Holmgrem really screwed up, multiple times, over the last few years. Now, no playoffs, no solid goalie, terrible defence, and a shitshow.
Apple had a weird thing for hockey players this year. I have no explanation for this. And FYI, Alfie is NOT God. God would not approve of Alfie.
Anyway, Bryzy wasn’t the only pain-in-the-ass goalie…
Kiprusoff decided he wasn’t going anywhere because he had a baby and was the first person to move to Calgary and actually like Calgary. But then there was Leafs GM Dave Nonnis waiting in the wings, ignoring rumours and his own goalies success. Leafs fans collectively sighed when talks with Kipper didn’t materialize. Meanwhile, James Reimer finished out the season with a .924 SV%, and Nonnis looks incredibly stupid.
Kipper did Leafs fans a solid.
And J-S Giguere is basically a jerk
Aging goaltender J-S Giguere called out his team for being more concerned with Las Vegas, and we still don’t really know what the hell he was referring to. The NHL Awards are held there, but if they were concerned with awards, they would have won more games so chalk that one up to lost in translation/blackout senseless rage, I guess?
JUST YOU GO AND RETIRE, OLD MAN, WE’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.
Fighting isn’t always the answer, and it won’t actually win you any games, but once in a while, it IS entertaining…
The Leafs became a team of facepunchers and tough guys literally overnight. Here’s the most uneven fight of the season that made the Habs go BLOO BLOO BLOO after. Ps. if you don’t want to embarrass yourself as an individual or a team, don’t punch opponents in the back of the head or seek fights. Cool? Bien.
Once again, we learned that players aren’t allowed to have personalities because everyone was all up-in-arms over a bad haircut.
YOUNG MONEY CASH SOMETHING SOMETHING I TOTALLY GET IT. Anyway, can we stop caring about the frivolous shit young players do in their spare time?
While we’re talking bad hair…
Worst hair in the league? Worst hair in the league.
Dreams really do come true!
Then celebs showed some kind of allegiance and it was…puzzling…
Forget Will Smith, look at the scarf on Prust.
Mr. T came out of nowhere and put a puck in the net and then we all watched videos of him on YouTube because nostalgia.
Rihanna may be a total moron, but Ottawa fans proved they are even more dumb. #Rihannaing, everyone.
Also dumb? Steve “I lick visors” Ott.
WHY
The Canucks got to wear this little outfit for one night (vs the Wings) to honour a team that really has nothing to do with theirs, but it was a way for the team to make MOAR MONEY so there it is, there you go.
LA Kings are lovin’ it more than ever because they’re getting some green from McD’s.
One can assume Dustin Penner is taking full advantage of his unlimited McDonald’s card.
Three Staal brothers started on a line for Carolina while the fourth, Marc, sat watching with one eye from home. Oh yeah, WEAR A VISOR.
Jarome Iginla literally could not contain his happiness during his exit presser. Flames fans got the sads. On a side, Crosby, the main reason for the move, got injured during Iggy’s first game with the team. If I had a shitheart, I’d say it was pretty funny.
I’d like to conclude this post about the awesome 2013 season with the greatest moment of the season: Stephen Gionta gets removed from the Panthers bench… – Imgur. Enjoy the playoffs, friends!
The Attacking Zone 